What to say (and NOT to say) to your teenager if you notice they’re gaining weight
Puberty is a transformative time for teenagers, and their bodies naturally go through many changes - including weight gain. On average, teens gain around 6.5lbs (3kg) per year during this stage, as their bodies develop and prepare for adulthood. As a parent, your role is crucial in helping your teenager feel supported and secure during these changes.
What you say (and what you avoid saying) can significantly shape their self-esteem and relationship with their body. In this blog, we’ll explore some key ‘Do’s and Don’ts’ to help guide your communication and create a safe, body-positive environment for your teenager.
Do normalise weight gain
Weight gain during puberty is a completely natural and necessary part of growing up. Let your teenager know this is expected and healthy.
What to Say:
“Your body is changing because it’s growing. This is a natural part of the process of growing up.”
“This is a normal part of puberty - your body knows what it’s doing.”
Don’t treat weight gain as a problem
Framing weight gain as an issue can lead to feelings of shame and insecurity. This kind of messaging may damage your teenager’s relationship with their body and food.
What Not to Say:
“Why are you gaining weight?”
“We need to do something about this.”
“Have you thought about eating a bit ‘healthier’?”
Do check in with and accept how they’re feeling
If your teenager expresses frustration or discomfort about their body, validate their emotions and offer them your understanding. Acknowledging their feelings helps them feel heard.
What to say:
“I know it’s hard to adjust to changes in your body. It’s okay to feel that way - it takes time to get used to these things.”
“What you’re feeling is normal, and I’m here to talk whenever you need.”
Don’t dismiss their feelings
Dismissing their concerns or brushing off their comments can make your teen feel like their emotions aren’t valid. This can shut down open communication. Sometimes this happens even with the best of intentions.
What not to say:
“There are bigger problems in life. Don’t worry about it - it’s not a big deal.”
“You’re beautiful and you shouldn’t feel that way about yourself.”
Do celebrate body diversity
Help your teenager understand that bodies come in all shapes and sizes. Reinforce that they are okay as they are and don’t need to look like their friends or anyone on social media (even though they might feel like there’s a lot of pressure out there to do so!)
What to say:
“Every person’s body is different and every body deserves kindness and respect.”
“Think about all the amazing things your body can do that have nothing to do with how it looks.”
Don’t compare or criticise bodies
Avoid making negative comments about your own body, your teenager’s body, or anyone else’s. Teens pick up on these attitudes, which can influence how they feel about themselves.
What not to say:
“I look fat: I need to lose weight.”
“They’ve gained so much weight - they should really watch what they eat.”
Do provide a variety of foods
Support your teen’s growing body by offering balanced meals and snacks (with carbohydrates, proteins and fats). Make sure they have access to a variety of foods, including their favourite treats, to create a positive relationship with eating.
What to say:
“Eating balanced meals (with carbohydrates, fats and proteins) can help us feel more satisfied and enjoy our food more.”
“Let’s plan some meals together. What sounds good to you?”
Don’t restrict food or impose rules
Strict food rules or restrictive eating can lead to feelings of shame and unhealthy behaviours. Trust their body’s hunger cues and avoid judging their food choices.
What not to say:
“Are you sure you should be eating that?”
“We need to cut back on junk food in this house.”
Do create a relaxed mealtime atmosphere
Use mealtimes as an opportunity to bond and talk about topics unrelated to food or weight. Keep the atmosphere calm and device-free.
What to say:
“Let’s sit down and enjoy this meal together. How was your day?”
“What’s something that made you laugh today?”
Don’t make mealtimes stressful
Don’t use mealtimes to lecture your teenager about their eating habits or weight, as this can create anxiety around food.
What not to say:
“Are you sure you need to eat all of that?”
“Maybe you should put some more vegetables on your plate.”
Do teach them about physical vs. emotional hunger
Help your teenager understand the difference between eating for physical hunger and eating for emotional reasons. Model noticing what you feel physically when you’re hungry or full. Offer support in developing healthy coping mechanisms.
What to say:
“Are you eating because you’re hungry, or do you think you’re feeling something else?”
“When I’m hungry I feel an ache in my stomach or I feel a bit tired or grumpy. Are you hungry?”
“Sometimes we eat for comfort, and that’s okay. Let’s think about other ways to feel better too.”
Don’t demonise emotional eating
Emotional eating is not inherently bad. Criticising your teenager for it can lead to feelings of guilt and shame (which can lead to more emotional eating!)
What not to say:
“You should ONLY eat when you’re hungry, not when you’re upset.”
“Stop eating your feelings.”
Do encourage movement they enjoy
Help your teenager find physical activities they genuinely enjoy, focusing on fun and wellbeing rather than appearance or weight loss.
What to say:
“What kind of movement do you enjoy? Maybe we could try something fun together!”
“Exercise is about feeling strong and energised - it’s not about how we look.”
Don’t force exercise
Forcing your teenager to exercise or tying it to their weight can make physical activity feel like a punishment rather than something to enjoy.
What not to say:
“You need to work on your fitness.”
“Let’s start exercising to help you lose weight.”
Do share your own experiences
Sharing your own experiences with puberty can help your teenager feel less alone. Normalise the awkwardness and challenges that come with growing up.
What to say:
“I remember feeling awkward about my body during puberty too. It’s a tough time for everyone.”
“You’re not alone - everyone goes through these changes.”
Don’t pretend you have all the answers
It’s okay not to have the perfect solution or response. Avoid pretending you completely understand what they’re going through if you don’t.
What not to say:
“It’s easy to get through this - you’ll be fine.”
“Just stop worrying about it.”
Do model positive behaviours
Teenagers learn a lot by observing their parents. Focus on building a healthy relationship with your own body and food to set a good example.
What to say:
“I’m learning how to take care of my body and be kinder to myself too.”
“Let’s work on enjoying food and feeling good together.”
Don’t criticise yourself in front of them
Avoid making negative comments about your own appearance or food choices, as this sets a poor example for your teenager.
What not to say:
“I hate how I look; I need to go on a diet.”
“I shouldn’t have eaten that - it’s bad for me.”
Final Thoughts
Navigating conversations about weight and body image with your teenager is no small task, but your words and actions can make a lasting impact. By normalising weight gain, offering understanding, and avoiding harmful comments, you can help your teenager build a positive relationship with their body and food.
Remember, no parent is perfect—it’s about showing up, listening, and doing your best. Small changes in how you communicate can make a world of difference in helping your teenager feel confident, valued, and supported during this transformative stage of life.
