How to survive the holidays when you have a disordered relationship with food
The holidays often evoke feelings of warmth and joy, but for those with a disordered relationship with food, this time of year can be fraught with challenges. Endless gatherings centred around food, alcohol, heightened stress, and even old family dynamics can feel overwhelming. If you’re someone who struggles with binge eating, bulimia or other disordered eating behaviours, the season can be particularly triggering.
This guide offers practical tips and compassionate advice to help you navigate the holiday period, honour your needs, and prioritise your wellbeing.
Navigating Social Triggers
1. Manage old family dynamics
For many of us, getting the family together can bring joy and connection, along with other more difficult feelings and complex relationship dynamics. We may unconsciously slip into old roles and may feel pressure to conform, or put our needs to the back of the list. This can be particularly triggering for those of us with a history of disordered eating, as regressing may bring up feelings of inadequacy, anger or lack of control.
Give yourself permission to step out of those old roles. You’re no longer the child or adolescent navigating those dynamics; you’re a competent adult in the here-and-now. Remind yourself that you have agency, choice and that it’s okay to take action to keep yourself emotionally safe.
2. Set boundaries around conversations about food and bodies
Comments about your body or eating habits, whether well-intentioned or not, can be triggering. A polite but firm boundary can go a long way. Try responding with a simple “Thank you” to unwanted comments about your appearance or food choices. This politely acknowledges the comment without inviting further discussion.
If conversations about diets, calories, or weight arise, don’t be afraid to redirect. For example:
“I’d rather focus on the holidays than talk about diets. How’s your year been?”
“I’m focusing on enjoying the company, not counting calories!”
Remember, you’re not obligated to engage in conversations that make you uncomfortable. It’s okay to excuse yourself if necessary.
3. Give yourself permission to say no
Whether it’s an offering of food you don’t fancy, a drink, or an event, saying no can be an act of self-care. If you find yourself saying yes out of obligation, ask: Am I putting someone else’s feelings ahead of my own needs? It’s okay to politely decline with a simple, “No, thank you.” Prioritising your comfort and safety is not selfish - it’s necessary to support your emotional wellbeing which allows you to show up for your loved ones more fully and wholeheartedly in the long run.
4. Address the normalisation of holiday bingeing
The idea that it’s normal to “binge” during the holidays can feel invalidating if binge eating is something you struggle with year-round. While a focus on food is part of the season, it’s important to distinguish between enjoying food and using the holidays as an “excuse to binge” rather than practising self-care.
Instead of falling into the trap of ”all-or-nothing” thinking (e.g., “I’ve eaten this, so I might as well eat everything”), remind yourself that every moment is an opportunity to choose self-compassion. You don’t have to follow holiday norms that don’t feel helpful for you in the long run.
Tips to Manage Food & Booze
1. Eat regularly and enough! (Don’t restrict or skip meals)
Skipping meals or restricting to “save room” for a big holiday feast often leads to heightened hunger and loss of control. Instead, stick to your usual eating routine. Eating regular meals and snacks helps stabilise blood sugar levels and reduce binge urges.
2. Be mindful of hunger and fullness cues
Reconnecting with your body’s signals is an essential part of healing your relationship with food. Pause during meals to ask yourself:
”What kind of hunger am I experiencing? Is it stomach (physical) hunger? Is it heart (emotional) hunger? Mouth (taste) hunger? What do I need right now?”
“Am I nourished? What do I feel in my body which tells me I am nourished?”
Using a hunger-fullness scale helps some people gauge where they are and make conscious choices about what and how much to eat.
3. Give yourself permission to enjoy all foods
Restrictive thinking often fuels disordered eating behaviours. Remember: All foods fit into a balanced life. Whether it’s a favourite dessert or a traditional holiday dish, allow yourself to enjoy it without guilt. Savour the flavours and remind yourself that you’re allowed to enjoy these foods for fun as well as nourishment.
4. Plan ahead for alcohol
Alcohol can impact eating patterns by causing blood sugar spikes and crashes that can amplify binge urges. It also lowers activity in our prefrontal cortex which is involved in planning and decision making, increasing impulsivity and bingeing behaviours.
If you’re drinking, consider these strategies:
Add in non-alcoholic drinks or plan social activities that don’t involve drinking.
Pair alcohol with a meal or snack to stabilise blood sugar levels.
Make a plan of how much you would like to drink ahead of time.
Consider planning a balanced, satisfying meal or snack after drinking (with carbohydrates, fats and protein) to reduce impulsive food choices.
Preparing ahead of time can help you avoid situations where alcohol negatively affects your eating or emotional state.
Managing Stress Over the Holidays
1. Take time to check in with yourself
Amid the holiday busyness, it’s easy to lose sight of your own needs. Make space to reset and regulate your nervous system throughout the day. This could involve:
Journaling: Reflect on how you’re feeling and what you need.
Talking to a trusted friend or loved one: Share your concerns and seek support.
Moving your body in a way that feels good: Movement for self-care rather than trying to change how your body looks (e.g. yoga, a walk in nature etc).
Mindfulness, guided relaxations or breathing exercises: Deep, intentional breaths can ground us and regulate our nervous systems. You can find guided practices for free on Insight Timer.
By creating small moments of calm, you give yourself the opportunity to recalibrate and approach challenges with greater clarity.
2. Set up a support system
Let trusted friends, family members, or a therapist know if you’re feeling anxious about an upcoming event. They can help provide emotional support, redirect triggering conversations, or even take a walk with you if you need a break.
If you’re attending events solo, consider having a check-in plan. Message a friend or journal your thoughts before and after to process your feelings.
3. Create moments of joy that don’t involve food
While food is a central part of the holidays, it doesn’t have to be the only focus. Engage in activities that bring you joy, such as:
Playing games with loved ones.
Watching your favourite holiday movies.
Spending time with pets.
Listening to festive music or dancing.
Redirecting your focus can help reduce anxiety and remind you of the many ways to celebrate the season.
4. Be kind to yourself
If you find yourself struggling, practice self-compassion. It’s okay to have moments of discomfort or to feel like you’ve taken a step back. Recovery isn’t about perfection; it’s about learning and growing. Perhaps you can reflect on what you’ve learnt this year and take that learning with you into future holiday seasons.
Remember: You deserve to enjoy the holidays
You have the right to set boundaries, prioritise your needs, and keep yourself safe - both physically and emotionally. The holidays don’t have to be perfect, and neither do you.
If you find yourself struggling, reach out for support. Book a session with a therapist, talk to a trusted friend, or contact a mental health helpline. Recovery is a journey, and you don’t have to walk it alone.
Wishing you a season filled with moments of peace, connection, and joy - on your own terms. ❤️
