Five mindfulness techniques for nervous system regulation
Life can be overwhelming at times, often signalling that our nervous systems are dysregulated and need support to return to balance. Many of us develop unhealthy ways of coping with our emotions in an attempt to regulate our nervous systems. Whether it’s turning to food, alcohol, or other habits, these behaviours often arise when we’re trying to manage emotions that feel too big or unmanageable. While these coping mechanisms might provide temporary relief, they don’t help us truly process or regulate our emotions.
Instead, mindfulness techniques can offer us healthier, more sustainable ways to soothe and regulate our nervous systems. By practising these methods regularly, we can begin to feel more balanced and resilient in the face of life’s challenges.
Understanding the “Window of Tolerance”
When we talk about nervous system regulation, it’s important to understand the window of tolerance. This is the state where we feel calm, connected, and able to respond to life’s ups and downs without feeling overwhelmed. However, stress can push us out of this window, making it harder to cope.
Stress can come from external factors, such as work or family challenges, or internal factors, such as how we interpret and perceive situations as stressful. When we’re pushed outside our window of tolerance, we may experience:
Hyperarousal: This is when we feel too activated, which might look like anxiety, anger, frustration, agitation, or panic. You may feel overwhelmed, fidgety, or even frozen in fear.
Hypoarousal: This is the opposite, where our nervous system shuts down in a state of low energy or detachment. It can feel like dissociation, collapse, hopelessness, depression, sleepiness, brain fog, or daydreaming.
Recognising the signs of dysregulation early is key. The sooner you notice feelings of unease or agitation, the easier it is to apply techniques to help nudge your nervous system back into balance. If dysregulation becomes too intense, it can be much harder to engage with mindfulness techniques effectively.
Why mindfulness helps
Mindfulness works by grounding us in the present moment and helping to calm the nervous system. When we gently guide ourselves back into our window of tolerance, not only can we handle stress better in the moment, but we can also widen our window over time. A wider window of tolerance means greater resilience and the ability to manage life’s challenges with more ease.
Here are five mindfulness techniques to help regulate your nervous system when you notice the first signs of dysregulation:
1. 4-4-8 breath
Any breath practice where we extend the exhale activates the parasympathetic nervous system which can be really helpful for soothing states of high activation or hyperarousal. The internal experience may be of anxiety, agitation, frustration, anger, or overwhelm.
How to do it:
Inhale through your nose for a count of 4.
Hold your breath for a count of 4.
Exhale slowly through your mouth for a count of 8.
Why it works: The long exhale activates the parasympathetic nervous system (the body’s “brake”), which helps to calm and ground you.
Some people find holding the breath a useful tool for releasing tension but if holding your breath feels uncomfortable or unhelpful, skip that part and focus on the extended exhale instead. This technique can quickly shift your state, making it easier to manage stressful situations and increase psychological resilience.
2. Coherent breathing
Coherent breathing is a simple yet powerful practice that helps balance the nervous system and reduce stress through balancing the inhale and exhale. It’s easy to adapt to your own pace and preferences.
How to do it:
Inhale for a count of 6.
Exhale for a count of 6.
Why it works: By focusing your attention on your breath and keeping your inhales and exhales the same length, it helps to soothe intense emotions and find emotional balance.
You can adapt the count to suit your needs - try a count of 4, 6, or 8 depending on what feels most comfortable. Count on your fingers for five rounds and then check in with yourself. Do you notice any changes in how you’re feeling emotionally or physically?
3. Cognitive defusion
This technique, from Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), helps us create space from our thoughts and feelings so they don’t overwhelm us. Instead of fighting or trying to escape them, we can observe them with curiosity and compassion. Acceptance helps remove 'layers' of emotions, such as feeling guilty about being angry, which can add further distress to the original feeling.
How to do it:
Say to yourself, “I notice I am thinking [X]” or “I notice I am feeling [X].”
Say to yourself “I accept I am thinking [X]” or “I accept I am feeling [X].”
Take a moment to allow those thoughts and feelings to arise and pass naturally.
Take a deep breath in and out, and say, “Thank you, mind.”
Why it works: Acceptance allows emotions to exist without adding layers of guilt or resistance. Fighting your feelings often makes them more intense and complex as additional emotions are added in, while acceptance lets them move through naturally.
Note: If your thoughts or feelings are overwhelming (e.g., intense panic or shame), it’s okay to redirect your attention to something soothing, like a comforting TV show or chatting with a friend. Always prioritise what feels safe and manageable for you.
4. Progressive muscle relaxation
For some, focusing on the breath can feel uncomfortable or even increase dysregulation. This is perfectly normal and it’s part of the reason it’s so important to find techniques that are suited to you and your needs. Not everything works for everyone and that’s okay! Progressive muscle relaxation (PMR) offers an alternative that focuses on releasing tension in the body.
How to do it:
Choose a muscle group (e.g., your hands, shoulders, or legs).
Tense the muscles as you breathe in, hold for a moment, and then release as you breathe out.
Gradually move through different muscle groups in your body.
Why it works: PMR helps release physical tension and reconnects you with your body, which can be grounding when you’re feeling disconnected or overwhelmed.
5. Vagal nerve massage
The vagus nerve plays a key role in regulating the nervous system, connecting the brain to various organs in the body. Stimulating the vagus nerve activates the parasympathetic branch of the nervous system which can promote feelings of relaxation and help bring us back into physiological and emotional balance.
How to do it:
Use your index and middle fingers to gently stroke up and down in front of and behind your ears. You might massage down into your jaw and open your mouth if that feels good.
Circle your fingers lightly on your temples.
Stroke down the sides of your neck (the vagus nerve runs up and down both sides of the neck so it’s a good place to stimulate it).
Massage your shoulders.
Brush down your arms, imagining yourself releasing any feelings or tension you no longer need.
Afterwards, pause to notice how you feel. Some people report a sense of tingling or lightness combined with relaxation after this practice. Many of my clients say they really like doing this at the end of a therapy session before going on with the rest of their day.
Final thoughts
Mindfulness techniques can be incredibly helpful tools for nervous system regulation. By regularly practising these methods, you can not only manage stress more effectively but also build greater psychological resilience over time.
Remember, if a technique doesn’t feel right for you, give yourself permission to stop and care for yourself in a way that feels supportive. Whether it’s making a cup of tea, taking a walk, or simply pausing to rest, there’s no “right” way to look after yourself. Small, consistent steps make all the difference. 🌱
