Feeling burned out? How understanding the stress cycle can help with prevention and recovery
We’ve all had those days where we’re running on empty. Maybe you’re juggling deadlines, family responsibilities, and the never-ending demands of daily life, only to find yourself lying awake at night, completely drained but unable to switch your brain off. Sound familiar? If so, you might be facing something deeper than just a bad week—you could be dealing with burnout.
But here’s the good news: burnout isn’t a life sentence. Drawing from insights in Burnout: the secret to unlocking the stress cycle by Emily and Amelia Nagoski, I want to walk you through what burnout really is, how it shows up in your life, and most importantly, how you can start reclaiming your energy and peace of mind.
What is burnout, really?
Burnout isn’t just feeling tired after a long day. It’s chronic emotional, mental, and physical exhaustion caused by prolonged stress. The Nagoskis define burnout as more than just stress itself—it’s what happens when we get stuck in the stress cycle and don’t complete it.
Think of stress like running from a lion. Your body kicks into high gear: heart racing, adrenaline pumping. But in modern life, the “lions” are deadlines, emails, or even the constant pressure to “do it all.” The problem? We don’t get the release our bodies need to signal that the danger has passed. We stay stuck in that high-alert mode, leading to burnout over time.
Signs you might be burned out
Burnout sneaks up on you. It might start with simple exhaustion, but it grows into something more pervasive. Here are some signs you might recognise:
Emotional exhaustion: feeling emotionally drained, overwhelmed, or detached from the things you used to care about.
Cynicism or detachment: a growing sense of frustration, irritability, or even resentment towards your work or personal responsibilities.
Reduced sense of accomplishment: feeling like no matter how hard you work, it’s never enough. You might find it difficult to feel satisfied with your achievements.
Sound familiar? If so, you’re not alone. But there’s a path forward.
Breaking free: how to complete the stress cycle
One of the most powerful ideas in Burnout is the concept of the stress cycle. It’s not enough to simply “reduce stress” (because let’s be honest, life isn’t going to suddenly get easier). Instead, we need to complete the stress cycle—to signal to our bodies that it’s safe to relax.
Here are some science-backed ways to do that:
Physical activity
Moving your body is one of the most effective ways to release stress. It doesn’t have to be intense—walking, stretching, or dancing in your kitchen can do wonders. The key is to let your body feel the movement and recognise that the “threat” is over.Deep breathing
Controlled breathing (like the 4-4-7 technique) helps shift your body from fight-or-flight into a calmer state. Try inhaling for 4 counts, holding for 7, and exhaling for 8. It’s simple but powerful.Laughter
Yes, laughter is medicine. Watching a funny show, talking to a friend who makes you laugh, or even laughing at your own mishaps can help discharge built-up tension.Affection and connection
Positive social interactions, whether it’s a hug, a heartfelt conversation, or even stroking your dog—help tell your nervous system that you’re safe. The Nagoskis suggest a 20-second hug or a 6-second kiss with someone you trust to really feel that connection.Creative expression
Writing, painting, singing, or playing an instrument can be a powerful outlet for releasing emotional tension. Creativity helps you process and release feelings you might not even realise you’re holding onto.
What to do if you’re already burned out
If you’re deep in burnout right now, the first step is to acknowledge it without judgement. Burnout isn’t a personal failure—it’s a biological response to chronic, unmanaged stress. Here’s how you can start to recover:
Rest without guilt
You need real, restorative rest—not just collapsing on the sofa scrolling through your phone. Sleep, yes, but also mental rest: take breaks from decision-making, and give yourself permission to do nothing.Set boundaries
This might be the hardest part, but it’s crucial. Say no to things that drain you. If possible, delegate tasks, reduce commitments, and carve out space for yourself—even if it’s just 10 minutes a day.Reconnect with joy
Burnout can make life feel dull and grey. Make a list of activities that bring you joy, no matter how small, and commit to doing at least one each day. It could be as simple as listening to your favourite song or sitting in the sun.Seek support
Whether it’s a therapist, coach, or trusted friend, don’t try to navigate burnout alone. Talking to someone can help you process what you’re experiencing and develop strategies to cope.
Preventing burnout before it starts
Once you’ve started to recover, the next step is building a life that protects you from falling back into burnout. Here’s how:
Daily stress-cycle completion: make stress-releasing activities a regular part of your routine, not just something you do when you’re already overwhelmed.
Cultivate resilience through connection: stay connected to people who uplift you. Relationships are one of the most protective factors against burnout.
Prioritise purpose over productivity: it’s easy to get caught up in the grind of constant achievement. Take time to reflect on what really matters to you—whether it’s your values, passions, or relationships—and let that guide your choices.
Final thoughts
Burnout isn’t just about being overworked; it’s about being stuck in a cycle that drains your energy, passion, and joy. But you don’t have to stay there. By understanding how stress affects your body and learning how to complete the stress cycle, you can reclaim not just your energy—but your sense of self.
So, if you’re feeling burned out today, take a deep breath. Move your body. Laugh with a friend. Little by little you may begin to feel a shift. You’ve got this.
Inspired by the insights from Burnout: the secret to unlocking the stress cycle by Emily Nagoski, PhD, and Amelia Nagoski, DMA.
