Is perfectionism the real reason you can’t stop procrastinating?

Procrastination... why oh why do we do it to ourselves? We know the deadline is looming. We know it would be kinder to ourselves to get started — or to just do anything — but instead, we freeze. Or we clean. Or we suddenly decide now is the perfect time to rearrange the kitchen cupboards. And then, five minutes before the deadline, we’re rushing and panicking, trying to pull it all together.

It’s frustrating, stressful, and downright exhausting. It can feel like self-sabotage — like there’s a part of us taking the reins that we just can’t control.

This is something that comes up in the therapy room a lot — and honestly, it’s something I’ve experienced personally too. There are different underlying causes for procrastination (including depression, anxiety, and attention-related difficulties), but one that’s both common and often misunderstood is perfectionism.

Perfectionism and procrastination: An often misunderstood link

At first glance, perfectionism and procrastination don’t seem like they’d go together. We often imagine perfectionists as relentlessly high achievers — people who work hard, notice every detail, and certainly don’t leave things until the last minute. But the reality is more complex.

The difference often lies in the type of perfectionism. Adaptive perfectionism is characterised by healthy goal-setting, motivation, and a desire to do well — but with room for imperfection, learning, and growth. On the other hand, maladaptive perfectionism is rooted in harsh self-criticism, rigid expectations, and an overwhelming fear of making mistakes. This version of perfectionism can lead to stress, anxiety, and feeling frozen — all of which are key ingredients in the recipe for procrastination.

Before you start labelling yourself, it’s important to know these terms describe a process — not who you are. People can experience both types of perfectionism depending on things like their stress levels, their environment, or the kind of support they have. And if you’ve started to recognise some of these patterns in yourself — that’s a brilliant first step. Awareness brings choice.

Why am I a perfectionist?

Understanding where perfectionism comes from can be a huge part of loosening its grip. Often, it develops in early childhood as we seek validation from our caregivers, teachers or people around us.

Perhaps you grew up in an academic family or school setting where performance and achievement were heavily emphasised. Maybe you were praised for being “smart” or “good,” and success became something you associated with love or approval. If you were encouraged to believe that your worth was tied to being clever, capable, or “the best,” it makes sense that mistakes or failure might now feel threatening.

Sometimes perfectionism stems from having a fixed mindset — the belief that intelligence or ability is static, and that any failure reveals a lack of ability, rather than offering an opportunity for growth (check out Carol Dweck’s work on fixed versus growth mindsets). In other cases, it’s rooted in attachment insecurity — that deep sense that love or care must be earned through being good, successful, or impressive.

If you hold the belief that failure defines who you are, it’s completely understandable that you might avoid anything that risks making a mistake. But there is another way.

What can help?

How we talk to ourselves

People who experience maladaptive perfectionism often believe that if they were just tougher on themselves, they can simply push or force themselves out of procrastination by pure force of will. There may be unconsciously labelling themselves as “lazy”. There’s a fear that self-compassion will make them even more lazy or “indulgent” — but in reality, the opposite is often true. Critical or harsh self-talk increases stress, which in turn keeps the nervous system in a frozen, overwhelmed state — the very state that makes procrastination more likely.

Being more understanding and empathetic with yourself — in a way that feels real and authentic — can help reduce stress and increase your capacity to get going.

If self-compassion feels like too big a leap, start by noticing when those self-critical thoughts arise. Noticing them as they come up can help to create a bit of space between you and the thought, preventing getting caught up in unhelpful reactive cycles of thinking.

You might say something like, “I’m having some critical thoughts right now, but they’re not helping me move forward.” Or, “I’m trying — I just need to take this one step at a time.” Positive affirmations are all well and good if you’re in a place where you can connect with that but if being overly positive with yourself doesn’t feel authentic, let what you say to yourself be honest and realistic.

Focus on reducing stress and anxiety — Not just ‘getting it done’

Research shows that it’s not just perfectionism that predicts procrastination — it’s when anxiety and perfectionism show up together. When stress builds up, we tend to freeze. And from that frozen place, nothing feels possible.

Taking time to regulate your nervous system can help. That might mean going for a walk, moving your body for a few minutes, stepping outside for some fresh air, or chatting with someone you trust. Even a few deep breaths can help you shift out of that anxious headspace and back into your body.

It can be hard to give yourself permission to pause when you feel behind. But reducing anxiety doesn’t slow you down — it helps you ground yourself so you can re-start the engine again, gently.

Step by small step — Letting go of all-or-nothing thinking

This comes up all the time with students and young people I work with. The idea that, “If I can’t do this essay perfectly, there’s no point doing it at all.” Even though, logically, they know that submitting something is better than submitting nothing, the fear of not meeting their high standards can stop them from starting.

This is the all-or-nothing mindset — and it’s a powerful block.

The antidote is starting small. Really small. Could you just open the document? Could you write a sentence, even if it makes no sense? Could you deliberately write a rubbish first draft just to get past the blank page? Bringing in a little playfulness, even a little imperfection, can get the process moving again.

Realistic goals — The smaller, the better

Perfectionists often set incredibly high standards for themselves, even when they’re already overwhelmed or frozen. If you’re stuck, try shifting your focus to the smallest possible goal — smaller than you think is reasonable which might feel difficult or uncomfortable.

Maybe your goal is just to sit down at your desk. Or to open the document. Or to write for five minutes. That’s it. These tiny actions help break the paralysis and get things moving again.

You could write down these small goals — including the ones that feel obvious and you do without thinking. Once you’ve completed that small goal, check it off your list. Notice how you feel and whether you can move onto the next.

You can also try using a timer — set it for five or ten minutes and just see what happens. And if your brain tells you it’s not enough? That’s your perfectionism talking. You’re still moving forward.

Progress doesn’t have to be big to count — it just needs to happen little by little.

Visualisation

Take a few deep breaths. Let your feet rest on the ground. Now imagine you’ve completed the task you’ve been avoiding. What would that moment feel like? Who would be there? How would it feel in your body — would there be relief, pride, peace?

Then gently walk yourself back through the steps it would take to get there. What would need to happen first? Where would you be working? What support would you need? What would the process feel like?

Tuning into the sensory experience of finishing and the journey to get there can help make the process feel less threatening — and more possible.

Create a becoming board

You’ve probably heard of a vision board — a collage of goals and things you want to achieve. A “becoming board” is similar, but it shifts the focus away from outcomes and toward process. Instead of focusing on what you want to achieve, this is about how you want to feel as you move through the process.

Collect words, images, textures, or colours that reflect how you want to show up — with curiosity, gentleness, openness, or courage. It’s a creative way to reconnect with your values and your own sense of becoming — rather than being stuck on the end result.

Conclusion

If you find yourself stuck in a loop of procrastination and perfectionism, know this: you're not broken, lazy, or weak. You’re likely someone who cares deeply — maybe a little too much — and who wants to do well.

But your worth doesn’t depend on getting everything right. You don’t need to be flawless to be deserving of rest, support, or care. What you need is space to begin — in a way that feels safe, doable, and good enough.

Meet yourself where you are. Let the process be messy. Let it be small. And trust that moving slowly is still moving.